I have an interview for a clothing retail job tomorrow. I might have to work both jobs, or simply decline this new one, if they can't offer me enough money/time. I haven't had two jobs in a few months, so maybe I should again? Scheduling gets weird, though, but we'll see. Luckluckluck.
I had a bit of a mental collapse last week. Mostly hormonal, I guess, but I felt helpless and penniless and generally grasping at straws. I could barely go a day without crying.
I have a degree in art, that I earned last year, and now I'm a cashier making just enough money to pay rent, bills, and student loans, along with the occasional bag of groceries. So far, my degree feels like a weight around my neck. I did so much to get it and now I feel like a loser for not finding any job connected to it.
I also worry a huge amount about money I need/don't have. I feel that the only way to get out of this funk is to go back to school and get a degree in something I don't want, like business, or become a lawyer or doctor or something... but I don't want to be those things. Gah!
I have also been missing a lot of my friends from my home town, but since I haven't been staying in touch with many of them very well, I feel a little too distant to reconnect... blah. Also, I've lost connection with a lot of college people and that makes me sad.
I don't want to be downer, that wasn't the point of this post.
But I still find time to draw and read. And I love the house I'm living in and the people I'm living with. Also, my parents and sister are wonderful. And on my days off I am usually happy.
Still, I feel better, but I am in a weird brain space. It'll pass, honey.
-Love,
Nathalie Victoria.
music: The Pick of Destiny OST
book: The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart