I have an interview for a clothing retail job tomorrow. I might have to work both jobs, or simply decline this new one, if they can't offer me enough money/time. I haven't had two jobs in a few months, so maybe I should again? Scheduling gets weird, though, but we'll see. Luckluckluck.
I had a bit of a mental collapse last week. Mostly hormonal, I guess, but I felt helpless and penniless and generally grasping at straws. I could barely go a day without crying.
I have a degree in art, that I earned last year, and now I'm a cashier making just enough money to pay rent, bills, and student loans, along with the occasional bag of groceries. So far, my degree feels like a weight around my neck. I did so much to get it and now I feel like a loser for not finding any job connected to it.
I also worry a huge amount about money I need/don't have. I feel that the only way to get out of this funk is to go back to school and get a degree in something I don't want, like business, or become a lawyer or doctor or something... but I don't want to be those things. Gah!
I have also been missing a lot of my friends from my home town, but since I haven't been staying in touch with many of them very well, I feel a little too distant to reconnect... blah. Also, I've lost connection with a lot of college people and that makes me sad.
I don't want to be downer, that wasn't the point of this post.
But I still find time to draw and read. And I love the house I'm living in and the people I'm living with. Also, my parents and sister are wonderful. And on my days off I am usually happy.
Still, I feel better, but I am in a weird brain space. It'll pass, honey.
-Love,
Nathalie Victoria.
music: The Pick of Destiny OST
book: The Mysterious Benedict Society by Trenton Lee Stewart
2 comments:
Hey, it's hard no matter where you are. Hope you get the job, or at least work things out so you're not so worried.
Besides, even if you aren't currently making money related to your degree, it's not like there's a deadline you have to meet after which they'll take it away or declare you to no longer be an artist. You'll make it, even if its one itty bitty step at a time and you have to keep changing your plan.
Hey Anike,
Yeah, I know. No one can un-artist me. Never ever. I just got in a rut for awhile, but I am feeling a lot better. Especially since I got to visit my parents and hang out with friends a lot this past week and weekend.
I turned down the job because they couldn't pay me enough for the same amount of hours as my current job... but I'm not torn up about it.
I'll just keep hanging in there. Just like that kitten on the branch. :)
Thanks.
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